Posted at 02:03 AM in Daily Thoughts, Film | Permalink | Comments (0)
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A reflection stares across in disgust
separating reality from her delusions
beckoning for attention, even seduction
its weight too vast for her youth.
Her sinews grow taught
from the strain her fears encumber
a burden too somber
for one of so few years.
A line has appeared above her brow
as subtle as a newly crafted wrinkle
within it lies the agony of her trials
growing deeper, aging her still.
With it comes solemnity
of which only her age belies
the truth encased in her own concern
eroding under her search for comfort.
How long must she continue?
Where is her drink of relief?
If only she could look past the reflection
beyond the lonely windowpane
something greater beckons her
if only the reflection would fade.
…if only for a moment
…if only for a chance
Something greater waits for her
crying for a name, for a place to reside
she hears it in the subtlety of the night
when the darkness washes over her.
But with the night comes another day
and no relief is had
her reflection’s disdain, harsh like the noon sun
veiling her heart, covering her value.
One day she will see
and she will know it was all for nothing
for the reflection is only a mimic
destroying that which she most desires
…worth
Posted at 03:28 PM in Daily Thoughts | Permalink | Comments (0)
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So, this week has been crazy. I mean CERAZY!!! (inside joke, sorry)... But just know that it means off the wall crazy...
I went to a great play on Tuesday that my friend Hunter had extra tickets to. It's called August: Osage County. It originally started at the Steppenwolf theatre in Chicago but was so popular they moved it to the "Broadway." It was 3 hours and 20 min. but completely worth my time. Really funny, really messed up, and really southern. Loved it. It was inbred like every southern play should be, funny, narcissistic and dark as sin. I highly recommend it if you are in NYC. It just started previews.
On to other news, I have been invited to continue my application process to all the medical schools that I applied to. I didn't expect this to happen. I applied to more schools then I can afford to submit applications to. Looks like I'm gonna have to do some choosing. I have like 50 short essays to write, so that should keep me busy for awhile.
My MacBook is back in the shop this week. They are replacing the battery for a fourth time, and some battery connector that they think may be draining the battery. I'm also having my optical drive (cd drive) replaced. I just bought OS X Leopard. I was so excited to install it and see all the new gadgets. So, I stick in the cd, and nothing....that's right, nothing. It just spits the cd back out at me. This is why I took it in.
For those of you who don't know I've had one hell of a ride with my Mac computer. Don't get me wrong. I love my MacBook, the best computer I've owned. But I've had everything go wrong with it. I've had my battery replaced four times as I've mentioned, my hard drive crashed my last semester before graduation, my keyboard and trackpad stopped working, my powercord burned out, and now my cd drive. I'm nervous for the day when my warranty runs out, because I know it will continue to break on me. The guy at the genius bar had the audacity to tell me "looks like you've had a long string of bad luck." I was like "no, looks like I got a dud computer." Thankfully everything is covered though.
The bad news is that I need my computer to do my other job, the website job. Since I don't have it, I have to use school computers, and so I've procrastinated and put it off again and again... ugh...
On a better note. I have been working with my friend Nikki in Nigeria on the research proposal for Project Peanut Butter that I mentioned last post. It's been such an amazing experience for me. I'm finally putting to use the skills I've learned from graduate school. It's just the coolest thing though, because the proposal we are writing will save lives. How amazing is that? Every word we right brings us another step closer to saving these children that are dying from malnutrition, starvation, and disease. I just actually feel like I'm doing something, ya know? I love it. It's been so exciting, and amazing. I cannot wait to be over there in Nigeria in person. Not too much longer!!! Anyway, I have felt very useful to them this last week, and that has been uplifting and encouraging.
I'm kind of a recluse these days. I've been working a lot, and just keeping my head down as I go. It has it's good points and bad points. I haven't spent much time with friends (down point)... but I'm accomplishing a lot these days, and making ends meet financially (good point, good point). I'm ready for this med school application process to be over though... Ugh... STRESSFUL!!!
Ok, done for now...have a good weekend kids...
Posted at 03:27 PM in Daily Thoughts | Permalink | Comments (1)
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So, what are you feeling?
feeling?
feeling what?
feeling how?
feeling so…
…so…
nothing i guess…
but something…
some ‘thing’
thing…think…thinking…
Thinking…
I’m thinking it’s more specific then just numb
callous?
call us… call me…calme
calm
calming…calling
calling who?
calling me?
yes, calling me…
Who?
Well, i wouldn’t say who so much…
much more…
more so ‘where’…
…where?
down
down
down…dark…cold...
safe…
safe?
yes, safe…safe from what?
from it
it is…
it is…
it is not…
but is it?
i don’t think so, but…
maybe
may be…
Could it be?
Then it has all been a waste
waste…wasteful…
like my life?
but what if…
what if?
what if he’s right…
who’s right?
you know…
yes…
yes…you know
He knows
Maybe it’s all been told wrong
could it be?
yes…it very well could be…
could be…cold…be…between
cold between
between him…
And me
So what will you fight for?
fight for?
fight…
fight
…right, right
yes
right for what?
for maybe?
for what went wrong…
for what could be right…
right?
yes…
It would make sense…
Yes
yes…fight
might be…
be…be…
become…becoming…
yes, i see it now…
beautiful…
almost…
at least i can see it from over there…
Over there
What do you see over there?
hope
hope?
yes, that’s it, hope…
but for what?
not for 'what'
for who…
who?
yes…who…
him
him…
For him
But is it too late?
it could be…
yes, maybe…
but is maybe worth it?
if it is right
yes…yes…
but…
but what?
but if it’s not…
then waste
waste
waste
waste is all i have…
but what if?
yes
yes
what if…
what could…
…could be…
‘what could be’ is good…
good for now…
good…
now…
…right
yes
He will show me…
But he is so far away
far…
far
i can’t reach him
if only
if only it were different
different how?
i don’t know
maybe it doesn’t matter…
but it is hard
hard…
too hard
hard at first
will it get easier?
who knows?
you know…
no
no
but…
but he knows
yes he knows
how do i ask?
ask?
for what?
for that
yes
yes…
that’s it…that’s it
i can see it now…
just for a moment…
yes…
He knows
Posted at 12:58 AM in Daily Thoughts | Permalink | Comments (0)
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So, now that I have surreptitiously plunged myself back into the life of a student, I suddenly find myself confronted by the ominous midterm. Am I really half-way through my first semester already? Where the heck did that come from? I still feel like it's my first day of class. I don't even know what I'm doing yet...or if I've learned enough to overcome the midterm hump. I guess I have a week before the test is handed my way, but that is too soon. I hate it when classes are based on a midterm and a final, 50/50. I always perform badly on first tests...It takes me at least one to learn the teachers test giving ability and style, and to learn exactly what they are looking for. So that puts me in the pooper from the get go.
So the stresses of being a student and a full-time employee are beginning to wreak their havoc on my everyday life... not to mention my "almost total sleep deprivation." I'm running on about 4 hours a night right now...I just feel overstimulated or something, and my brain just won't stop. Hence all the recent posts and updates...And it gives me some extra time to study. Which I don't always take advantage of.
My life is now consumed during the week, with very little social time. Monday, Wednesday and Thursday I'm at work from 9 to 9, and Tuesday I'm usually busy with homework or something. So, I try and squeeze all my social time into 2 glorious days of nothingness. Thankfully I have completely open weekends every week. I don't know what I'd do without them.
So basically I've realized that I have come to New York to get to where I want to be...And that unfortunately has to be my main focus...But thankfully that is everyone's focus who lives in the City. We are all work and school -aholics. Trying to better our career, most trying to make more money. Isn't that why we come to the Big Apple? At least I can experience the city on weekends...when the trains are all screwed up and all the tourists our on the streets. Sounds fantastic right? Let's just say there have been better options...
Posted at 02:33 PM in Daily Thoughts | Permalink | Comments (0)
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