I'm missing New York a lot right now. I have some old photos from when I lived there that I'm posting. I'm going to my storage unit this week to rummage through my boxes of old photos from my NYC days. I'll be posting more in the future. But, these are some of the reasons I miss it...
A reflection stares across in disgust
separating reality from her delusions
beckoning for attention, even seduction
its weight too vast for her youth.
Her sinews grow taught
from the strain her fears encumber
a burden too somber
for one of so few years.
A line has appeared above her brow
as subtle as a newly crafted wrinkle
within it lies the agony of her trials
growing deeper, aging her still.
With it comes solemnity
of which only her age belies
the truth encased in her own concern
eroding under her search for comfort.
How long must she continue?
Where is her drink of relief?
If only she could look past the reflection
beyond the lonely windowpane
something greater beckons her
if only the reflection would fade.
…if only for a moment
…if only for a chance
Something greater waits for her
crying for a name, for a place to reside
she hears it in the subtlety of the night
when the darkness washes over her.
But with the night comes another day
and no relief is had
her reflection’s disdain, harsh like the noon sun
veiling her heart, covering her value.
One day she will see
and she will know it was all for nothing
for the reflection is only a mimic
destroying that which she most desires
…worth
So, now that I have surreptitiously plunged myself back into the life of a student, I suddenly find myself confronted by the ominous midterm. Am I really half-way through my first semester already? Where the heck did that come from? I still feel like it's my first day of class. I don't even know what I'm doing yet...or if I've learned enough to overcome the midterm hump. I guess I have a week before the test is handed my way, but that is too soon. I hate it when classes are based on a midterm and a final, 50/50. I always perform badly on first tests...It takes me at least one to learn the teachers test giving ability and style, and to learn exactly what they are looking for. So that puts me in the pooper from the get go.
So the stresses of being a student and a full-time employee are beginning to wreak their havoc on my everyday life... not to mention my "almost total sleep deprivation." I'm running on about 4 hours a night right now...I just feel overstimulated or something, and my brain just won't stop. Hence all the recent posts and updates...And it gives me some extra time to study. Which I don't always take advantage of.
My life is now consumed during the week, with very little social time. Monday, Wednesday and Thursday I'm at work from 9 to 9, and Tuesday I'm usually busy with homework or something. So, I try and squeeze all my social time into 2 glorious days of nothingness. Thankfully I have completely open weekends every week. I don't know what I'd do without them.
So basically I've realized that I have come to New York to get to where I want to be...And that unfortunately has to be my main focus...But thankfully that is everyone's focus who lives in the City. We are all work and school -aholics. Trying to better our career, most trying to make more money. Isn't that why we come to the Big Apple? At least I can experience the city on weekends...when the trains are all screwed up and all the tourists our on the streets. Sounds fantastic right? Let's just say there have been better options...
